Suffering

As they tell us it's for a reason we look. We then, look again. The suffering is piled on some more while we look again. The next day comes as does the pain, and no future. Humanity goes on while we look some more and find nothing and no answers at all. They do not exist. There are no answers and there will never be any relief. There is but one reason to go on and she is a little life, full of everything good which balances me. To her I am the greatest thing ever and, I will always be there for her. I may have no hope for myself, no future and no understanding ever of my place in life, but I will never leave her.

Random

And then the fire and the quill engulfs the note on my desk. Writhing in exquisite pain and garrish hope, we became. I look through they written eye of
blackness and feel sparkling gems saying to me, ''Shout, for the sinners bring hope...You must overcome!''  And into the darkness. Outside, the masks of penguins rape the day and hover in semi-circles about my abode, hoping they know the truth about what is inside and below.

I Give You Terror

Squirming is my global, extended ganglia that squats in my puzzle of bones. This brain working to perfect and assign the subjective harmony that nature unwittingly ignored. As I will, my choice is destruction. To come and kill; removed in a slice. They wonder and laugh. The pits I have fallen in and crawled out of with fingerprints scarring the walls, making my will a mountain. The plan to invade and shave off the pitch is an elusive moment. Stealth-bubbles surface my inner conscience while my outer conscience takes holiday and refuge. Crawling as a serpent, bent on praise-filled mercy not given.

Dead Energy

The best things in life are dead.   Floating in hyper-reality altered radiant energy and succumbing to the will of ignorant parasites who's power is only self-absorbing.  TRUE reality can then be the state of subatomic paranoia incorporated by the lust of the smallest life forms which, when then obstructed, changes and becomes the only indestructable force of nature which is pure energy.

Want

Sewn into my soul is the fabric of want that I absorb from afar within your wandering spirit.  The whimsical patterns making up a quilted life pulled from your creations.  Warmth and hope fulfilling the truth of lonliness; sadness weaved into your heart pulled out for a moment by a smile.

Unrequited Love

I am so in love with you.  I see you smile, and your heart smiles a song that takes my breath and for a moment, we stare and we know.  I hear your thoughts and secrets as you whisper them to your pen.  I become the other heart inside as you approach, intoxicated by the soft sweat of your breast.  I see your pain and I try walking into it, observing while closing in that maybe I can take it inside me and away, not fully knowing the extent of your sorrow.  It brings a tear.  Your open and kind spirit warms me.  Your strength and wisdom beckon my love, pulling me into your heart's loneliness.  This is the tragic beauty that completes you.  Bringing you within a breath, closer to my arms and to my soul but only touching lips in a dream.  Yes, I am so very in love with you but can never tell you.  So now, you know.

Losing Faith??

So, when we are beset by calamaties, some big some small but all of them at the same time, what do we do? Sit, suffer, sulk? Why do these things happen at the same time? Is it to compensate for the previous happiness and goodness that we are accustomed to? Or maybe the prior is just placidity marked by little or no unhappiness. Maybe the bad things suffice  to keep us in check and to appreciate the things we should truly cherish. I know which things are that truly matter but a few things in the right direction and some guidance would be greatly appreciated now.   I personally have a faith in the Christian God and that no matter what happens to me it is all for a ''grand design'' or some greater end purpose to which I can not see at the moment. It is hard for me to not be curious as to exactly what that is when I feel as if I am being hammered into the ground like some confused, perturbed nail. I will never give up my Christian beliefs in the eye of hardship, but I tell you what.......it sure isn't very easy to keep my focus.

Our Governor Being Bullied By Racists

So on the news tonight I heard that our Gov. Pat Quinn may not win the race if he doesn't pick Rep. Art Turner, who happens to be African-American, as his running mate. Rep. Charles Jefferson, D-Rockford was quoted as saying if Quinn didn't pick Turner,  "it  would be a slap in the face to the African-American community."  This tells me that Jefferson only wants to perpetuate racism by forcing Quinn to pick an African-American   running mate or suffer the consequences of not winning the race based simply on the fact that African-American voters will not give Quinn their vote if he doesn't choose Turner.   What does this say about that community as a whole and isn't this the type of thing we are trying to get away from? 

Put The Toilet Paper Back on the Roller

Ok, so I know it's very, very hard and stressful for people who when they need to go to the bathroom and do their thing, to take the toilet paper off the roller and put it back on when finished. Obviously then the roller serves no purpose. Why don't we just strategically place the toilet paper in four corners of the restroom for aesthetic reasons? Since it taxes their whole being to put the fucking (yes, I said ''fucking'') toilet paper back! I don't want to stress them. Why design new houses with bathrooms with rollers when they are redundant??? Or, just maybe but I doubt it....roll what you need off, roll some more and when you are done, it WILL STILL BE ON THE ROLL!!!!

God

I have been thinking a lot about God lately. What does that concept mean to you if anything? I believe most individuals who think there IS a god have a clouded idea based in misinformation from others. God....a great, bearded old man who lives in the sky, dictates morality and punishes those who displease Him. I could be wrong about this. Maybe this is just the way that I believe others think of God. Anyway, being neither here nor there, that is not my point. I KNOW what God is and I KNOW the truth behind the pressure to actually believe in a god. God is in fact all that there is: Energy, life, endurance, peace, love, hate, hope, jealousy, the air that we breath. It is very hard to envision an all encompassing entity which never starts and never ends. This is God. The universe is God. Everything encompassed within, is God. There is nothing else anywhere (as well, there can not be), which is available for comparison.

For those who have no god or do not believe in the Christian God, this concept may be a bit easier to handle than an old man with a beard, in a robe. If you can believe that we came about by the greatest love ever known which inconceivable based on human understanding.......if you can believe there is forgiveness for everything and hope for all...if you can have hope that these things are possible....that is God.